Posted October 7, 2013 by kittykatya in Trailer Snark

Trailer Snark: Frozen

We’re rapidly approaching the holiday season and that means a Disney film. So, let’s take a look at their newest offering, “Frozen”. Just from an initial glance, do we have all the necessary pieces for a modern Disney film? Spunky heroine? Check. Likeable love interest to spar with? Check. Situation that the people in charge seem incapable of dealing with? Check. Annoying comic relief mascot? Oh hells to the yes check. Our list is complete, so let’s put our tray tables in their upright positions and get going on this trailer…

0:00 – 0:06: Man, they’re holding that preview screen way too long these days.

0:07: “It’s always summer in the city of Erendale.” Sounds lovely – looks like a matte painting. Good place to visit.

0:10 – 0:11: “It couldn’t be warmer…” Wait. You’re calling attention to the weather.

0:12 – 0:13: “It couldn’t be sunnier…” Uh oh. Dude, you’re jinxing the town. Shut up.

0:15: “But that’s about to change…” Aw, see what I mean? You screwed it up for that poor town.

0:16; “Forever.” Jerk. If you had been quiet, their tourism board wouldn’t be suffering.

0:17 – 0:21: And now we have a solid reason for the title. Poor little town.

0:22 – 0:27: Cold joke combined with Captain Obvious joke.

0:28 – 0:30: Disney logo; depressing statement; release date card.

0:31 – 0:32: First of five million snow gags. I do agree, spunky heroine — “Really?!?”

0:34: “Who will save the day?” Do you even have to guess?

0:35 – 0:36; Ineffectual authority figures state the obvious.

0:37: “The Ice Guy?” Enter possible likeable love interest. He’s got a comedy reindeer. He’s also an ice salesman in a land of eternal winter. He may need a career counselor.

0:46: “The Nice Guy?” He’s got the horse from “Tangled.” If I’m not mistaken, he might not be in the trailer any more than this section. Odds are it’s not him saving the day.

0:55: “The Snow Man?” Run. Run fast. It’s the annoying comic relief sidekick. I mean, really, even the protagonists are creeped out by this thing.

1:02: “Or No Man?” Hang on, she’s Eowyn? Well, that’s cool…

1:05 – 1:13: It’s nice to see a young guy concerned with the appearance of his sled… in the dark.

1:14: “From Disney…” So, the fireworks over Cinderella’s castle at 0:28 didn’t clue you in?

1:15 – 1:19: Snow gag #472. Collect them all.

1:20: “Get Ready…” for a lot of obvious snow gags.

1:21 – 1:27: SH: “Are you OK?” LLI: “I’ve got a thick skull” ACRM: “I don’t have a skull” Other two: “Nobody asked you!”

1:28: “Use Your Head…”: Too late. That was the last joke section.

1:29 – 1:34: Nose job joke with the snow thing. Weird.

1:35: “And Fight the Freeze”. Easy enough – stop drinking your milkshake so fast; you won’t get brain freeze that way.

1:36 – 1:42: “That’s no blizzard; that’s my sister.” Sibling evil? I don’t think Disney’s done that one before. Color me impressed.

1:44 – 1:54: She’s definitely spunky and heck, given her preference for picking fights, she indeed may be Eowyn.

1:56: “On November 27″ Your mileage may vary.

1:58 – 2:02: “Some people are worth melting for..,” Don’t think that’s ever going to be a Hallmark card.

2:03 – 2:13: Action cut time – Ice slide, sneezing snow gag, ice stomp, cold sorcery, blizzard gag, reindeer dash to safety, snowman disintegration,

2:13 – 2:14: Title card.

2:15 – 2:25: Snow gag #879, plus a “Grab my butt” reference. Oy